I Thought You Loved Me
by Ditzy Spacecadets
Summary: Ginny's life is perfect. Perfect Grades, Perfect looks, Perfect boyfriend. But scratch the surface and reality is still there. Problems that everyone has to face and some that only an unlucky few need to conquer. Could Draco's friendship help solve her
1. Author Notes: Very Important please rea...

Enjoy the fic, review and I apologise now for the use of any naughty words, sexual references, Violence, slang, snogging, pashing, kissing, dirty old men, abuse of unicorns, any stereotypical words used, any random plots, any cliches, any hungry hippos, any stupid comments, .............corny jokes, tabithaesque humour, ..................fleas, unexplained explosions, plotholes you could fit large cities into, sugarrrr abuse, over-use of clearings, dense forests with more clearings than trees, magical appearance of clearings, and clearings that aren't really clearings, pointless use of dots, abuse of yaks, high elephants, gruelsome deaths that really needn't of happened, ................lack of sugarrrr abuse, bad grammer (stupid english language), bad english,..................... bad spelling (just say it aloud. Its spelt how it sounds!), .........bad typing, invented words, lack of originality (but that won't happen often!),  
  
  
  
DISCLAIMER FOR THE WHOLE FIC- THIS IS VERY VERY IMPORTANT... I DON'T OWN- MINERVA MCGONAGAL DRACO MALFOY VIRGINIA WEASLEY HARRY POTTER ALBUS DUMBLEDORE NEVILLE LONGBOTTOM (TEEHEEHEE FUNNY NAME) OLIVER WOOD (SNIFF) RONALD WEASLEY PERCY WEASLEY COLIN CREAVY (SOUNDS LIKE GRAVY!) VOLDEMORT TOM MARVOLO RIDDLE LUCIUS MALFOY HERMIONE GRANGER  
  
I THINK THATS EVERYONE I'VE MENTIONED THUS FAR I'LL KEEP ON ADDING TO THIS LIST THOUGH....  
  
CLIAMER FOR THE WHOLE FIC- THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT I OWN THESE CHARACTERS!!! THEY ARE MY OWN CREATION.  
  
PLEASE ASK BEFORE USING THEM IN A FIC OR I'LL DECAPATATE YOU WITH A PLASTIC BUTTER KNIFE.  
  
I OWN- AIWA SNIFF THATS IS FOR NOW BUT.. HEAPS MORE WILL BE ADDED!!!  
  
Author notes (Chapter 3)-  
  
Thankees to all my reviewers!!! Your all wonderful... Oh my gloated ego. I would thank each of you individually but my mums on the other comp so I can't go online... Grr!!! Hopefully this clears up some confusion over the last chapter.... then again it might just add some of its own.... For the record the part in Chapter 2 with Tom was a dream sequence of the past... Ginny had to find a way to get to Tom and that was it. She survived, Draco nursed her back to health (Draco's got a crush!) and then she threw all of Draco's love and care back in his face and ran off with Harry. Does that explain it all?  
  
Author Notes (Chapter 2)-  
  
If u get confused with this chapter don't worry hopefully I can clear it all up in the next chapter... This fic was only meant to be a one chapter story but because it got so many reviews I decided to keep writing... I don't know if this was a good idea or a bad so review and tell me what you think  
  
Author notes (Chapter 1)-  
  
I hate Harry He's a useless over used pompous character who leaves little to the imagination and is hard to manipulate. No fun there. Draco and Virginia on the other hands were and are totally unappreciated. Poor things, so they are rather mallable shall say.  
  
Idea's are always welcome and if you wanna flame go ahead. Just don't be rude when the same thing happens to you. My friend gave me the idea and so I've used it form there. Thanks Laura.  
  
WARNING- If you do not review I will hunt you down with a cheese grater, a whisk, an electric beater, daisy, a spork, tongs, a can opener and vegemite just coz I can.  
  
OH AND IF YOU LIKE HARRY POTTER DO NOT READ THIS FIC!!!! OK.... I'M GONNA DESTROY HIS REPUTATION!!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHA  
  
I think that............ covers it all...  
  
AND THANKEES TO ALL THOSE WONDERFUL PEOPLES THAT REVIEWED!!! THIS MUST BE MORE THAN DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF REVIEWS I'VE EVER GOT FOR ANY OTHER FIC!!! IF YOU WANT ME TO REVIEW URS LEAVE UR FANFIC NAME AND I'LL READ AS MANY AS I CAN!!!  
  
YOU'RE ALL SO VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! (THERES 50 VERY'S FOR YOU!)  
  
If you want the fic to continue review. 


	2. Chapter 1: Abuse

She walked along the halls daintily. She held her head high, but looked at all around her as equals. Her clear brown eyes were far seeing, not really aware about the here and now.

Every part of her body was to be desired. Her perfectly shaped hips, her slightly inward curving waist, her perfect blood red lips. She was to be desired and the essence of desire.

Her dark red hair swayed delicately in the drafts of the castle. It it was ever so slightly wavy and curled into a perfect circle at the tips. It was pulled up into a high, neat, pony tail with a ribbon that to was perfectly tied.

She was the perfect Head Girl. She had perfect grades, the perfect smile. Every part of her was perfect. No one looked at her in anger, questioned her right to be. She just was.

She smiled absently from one person to another. Stirring the lust of the boys and the awe of the girls.

To everyone she was perfect. She couldn't put a foot wrong. She was always willing to help and would never turn down a call for aid.

She was the most beautiful girl to have passed through Hogwarts and all that knew saw Rowena live again.

***

I had barely the energy to walk the halls but no one was to know this. I was to them the perfect head girl. The immaculate Gryffindor. I had to hold my head high and be dignified but still see everyone in Hogwarts as in equal. The child like first year, the bitching third years. I had to see them all as equals. Acknowledge them all. I hated it. It was so hard to maintain.

I looked around the corridor and smiled as I found it empty. One of the many joys of being one of the few to remain at Hogwarts during Christmas break. For an instant I could let the facade drop and could just be me. I let my mind wander and listened.

I shook my head when I remembered about the third years I was meant to be helping with their Potions homework. How I had been stuck with it I didn't know. Prof. Malfoy, the head of Slytherin, had asked me to give them help with their assignments and as I was being Super Head Girl at the time I said yes.

I straightened up as I sensed someone approaching.

Professor Malfoy walked past me and I looked at the new DaDA teacher. 

Professer Malfoy had only graduated the year before but there were few that knew more about the Dark Arts.

He looked at me and smiled. 

He'd grown up alot in the past year. No longer the bully who smirked and looked down on everyone. He had a new look a new idea. He saw everyone as an equal, valued every individual.

He looked at me closer and I rushed away down the hall. Fearful of what he would see if he looked to deep

I dragged my weary body towards the Library where I'd promised to meet them. I heard footsteps and immediately straightened up and became Miss Perfect, Miss Head Girl.

I could of swore with the energy it took to do even that. I was to drained, to tired. I ignored the constant pain and stood tall. A true Weasley to the core. Dignified and self controled.

The footsteps drew nearer and I slowly pulled my mind away fearful it would be one of the others like me.

"Virginia, are you quite alright?" Prof. Wood asked.

I nodded even as I swayed on my feet in wearyness.

I marched neatly to the Library. The third years were probably all at the tables waiting eagerly for my help. The probably expected me to their assignments for them. They had another thing coming. They would learn under my care.

I was shooked to find quite a large group of not only third years but students from first to seventh year all waiting neatly for my assistance

I nodded and helped them all out for the better part of three hours with more appearing constantly and others disappearing at various points through the night. 

Around Eleven I was shocked when it dawned on me that those i had already helped were helping people who had had teh same problem as them. I had alwasy believed Slytherins to be uncaring and selfish but what I was seeing was anything but.

At the hour of twelve I promised them all I would be there the following night to continue helping them with their work and sent them all off to bed. It was near impossible to maintain the facade for any longer.

I grimaced inwardly as I maintained the outward expression of perfection. I felt completely drained, like one of the walking dead.

I shook my head as I realised I'd missed the evening meal. My stomach rumbled informing me it was regreting that decision.

As I moved to steal away to the Kitchens before no one else discovered me and used me for one thing or another I felt rather rough hands around my waist.

***

He smiled and spun her around. 

She was the picture of delight. Her smile said everything to him. He leaned forward and kissed her demandingly on the mouth. His tongue fought for entrance into her mouth despite her obvious refusal to open it. 

She opened her mouth to his invading tongue and tried to fight the ill feeling rising in her stomach. Wasn't this what she had always wanted?

His hands went up under her jumper. He was demanding more than she was willing to give.

She pulled back suddenly. Trying to stop him from getting to close.

"What this isn't what you want. Common lets reminisc on times gone by. You know I'll always love you."

He leaned further towards her and deepened the kiss. He started backing her down the hallway towards the Teacher's Common.

He released her mouth for an instant to mutter the password to the room and she wondered for a mere instant how he had come to that knowledge.

His mouth came crushing down on hers again and she found she couldn't even muster the energy to stop him, to push him off. 

She said a silent prayer to who ever was watching over here in that instant that the common room was empty.

He pushed her towards a door in the room. He opened it with a tickle in the right spot and pushed her inside.

He tore her clothes off and thrust her harshly onto the couch. She would of screamed in outrage, or fought to be freed or just stood up and walked out had she the effort but even the feeblest whisper was beyond her.

He removed his clothes with little effort and locked the room with a quick charm. He sound proofed the room and turned back to her.

She screamed in pain and he smiled absently. "Enjoying this, aren't you." It was more a command then a question.

She let her mind wander absently and blocked off the pain he caused her. She pretended it wasn't happening. Nothing was wrong. All was as it should be.

A whimper of pain escaped and he slapped her harshly across the cheek. He hit her chest, her arms, her legs, her face. It seemed to egg him on into greater heights of lust. "You know your enjoying this. Isn't what you've always wanted?" he asked harshly.

She didn't answer or even move. She just fought back the scream building in her throat and tried to ignore the seemingly endless pounding.

He grunted with a final thrust and collapsed on top of her.

He stood up, redressed and left her there.

"I thought you loved me," she whispered as he closed the door behind him.

***

Prof. Malfoy stalked the Halls prowling for any students out of bed. It was the night before christmas and all were slightly excited. 

He wondered about Miss Potter. She had seemed strangely drained when he had seen her. Dark marks, purple, around her eyes and red eyes. He questioned himself over asking her to help some Slytherin third years with their homework.

Professor McGonagal opened the door infront of him almost hitting him in the face. 

"Oh Prof. Malfoy I didn't see you there. I didn't cause you any harm did I?" she asked eyeing his nose worriedly.

"It's quite okay Prof. McGonagal. No harm down and please call me Draco."

McGonagal laughed highly, like the tinkering of bells. "Only if you call me Minerva, Draco."

Draco nodded in aggrement. "If thats what you would like Prof."

Minerva laughed and walked down the hall.

Before she was out of hearing distance Draco called out to her, "Minerva could I possible have a word? I'm worried about one of our students."McGonagal immediately turned back at the mention of the word student, "What is it Draco?"

Draco looked at his feet for a moment. Not want Minerva McGonagal to guess about his feeling for this particular student. "It's Virginia Weasley. She seems to look more and more tired every time I see her. I'm rather worried. Have you seen any differences in her?"

"In Virginia Weasley? That girl is the most organised responsible girl at Hogwarts I doubt there could ever be any thing wrong with her." McGonagal wandered off muttering this to herself as if even she didn't believe it anymore.

Draco watched McGonagal wandering down the halls in her own confusion. Draco couldn't help but feel fearful he had never known McGonagal to be confused about anything in all his time at Hogwarts.

He shook his head and wandered back to his room. "I wonder if Potter's left yet?" he said thinking aloud. He ignored the thought and continued to his room.

***

I felt cold all over. 

I could feel my heart beat slowing and wished it would stop completely. I wished I could end it all then and there. Make the pounding stop. Make the feeling of being used stop. I knew I couldn't but it didn't stop me wishing it over and over.

Of all people I didn't expect my love, the one person I had always and would always love to use me so happily. To lay waste to all that I had left.

I lay in the teachers room to tired to move. To tired to even cover myself.

Anyone could of come in then and I wouldn't of cared. I was sick of being there, sick of being used. I was tired. Always tired. Maybe this would be the end.

I wandered if this was how my mother felt before she was killed or how Hermione felt when she knew her love had betrayed her or even how Voldemort felt when he was beaten by a baby.

I felt competely used. I felt like I'd come last in a race against an ant.

I felt cheated, rejected, unneeded

No one would want anything to do with me after this. I was beyond useless. I was a plaything.

I heard the door open softly, slowly, cautiously. 

I heard the gasp of shock, the angry mutter.

They didn't really care what happened to me. They just felt put out by the fact I might not be able to do things for them for a while. Angry that they couldn't use me.

I didn't care anymore.

I felt cold hands lift me softly and wrap me up in a blanket which had been carelessly knocked off the bed. The green of Slytherin was warming me from the harsh reality a fellow Gryffindor had thrust upon me.

I felt strong arms hug me tightly and screamed from the pain even this gestue of reassurance caused.

I looked up into the eyes of my rescuer and was shocked to see Prof. Malfoy looking down on me in pity.

I feel the tears gather in my eyes and lost focus of his face as they streamed down my cheeks.

"But I thought he loved me," I wimpered into Draco's shoulders. "He said he'd always love me."


	3. Chapter 2: Acceptance

CHAPTER 2  
  
  
  
  
  
Ginny leaned into Draco even more.  
  
Prof Malfoy felt torn. He knew as well as the next person who had done this. The Professor in him was screaming at him to go after that wanker that did this to Virginia but the Draco in him knew he had to stay by this young terrified student.  
  
Ginny looked up at Draco. "I thought he loved me. He said he loved me."  
  
Professor Malfoy looked down at the smallest Weasley and was, for the first time in his life, at a loss for words. She looked completely drained and confused, like an innocent seeing evil for the first time. This was not the Virginia he had fallen for, not the Virginia who had saved the world from Voldemort.  
  
He could feel his chest getting wet with her tears. She was weeping with such utter desolence it her tears were going through his robe and shirt. She hadn't even weeped like this after she had caused the fall of Voldemort.  
  
He'd comforted her then but still she'd chosen the boy who lived over him. The spite was old. Maybe she'd seen the mistake in her decision now but Draco wasn't one to say 'I told you so'.  
  
Virginia pulled away from Draco's chest and seemed to straighten herself up, well as much as one can when all they have is a blanket to cover their nakedness. "I would be rather pleased if you didn't tell anyone of this Prof. Malfoy"  
  
Draco looked shocked. "Not tell anyone after he, after you were. Virginia you will have hurts that will need healing." Draco said thinking of no other reason to share the incidents of that night with Prof. Dumbledore.  
  
"I survived last time and I'll survive again." She said ignoring the single tear that ran down her tired, sad cheek. Her red eyes screamed at Draco to protect her and make it stop but he knew as well as her that this was all that he could do. Her body was wrapped in blankets but she was still shivering in fear.  
  
Draco shook his head looking at her sad attempt to look strong. "No Virginia you know as well as I you didn't survive last time. You live like one in a dream."  
  
Virginia shook her head as if trying to clear the murk of pain and confusion that was clouding it. "Please, Draco, don't tell anyone. They'd all hate me." She muttered before convulsing into tears again.  
  
Draco couldn't help but feel pity for Virginia. He could hear the desperation in her voice when she said his name. "'Fine, but only if you'll let me heal you."  
  
Virginia nodded in desperation. She turned off any emotions she may have felt towards him and pushed the blanket off. She knew as well as the next witch that healing spells could only be preformed when the injury was in plain sight.  
  
Draco gasped again when he saw her body. It was covered in bruises and more that one area appeared beyond repair. Draco thanked God that he had taken advanced medi-wizard classes before starting that year at Hogwarts.  
  
He muttered a spell here and a spell there. He continued muttering them for the better part of an hour before he thought he had gotten all the wounds. "Do you hurt anywhere else Virginia?" he asked somewhat briskly but as kindly as was possible at the time.  
  
She pointed to her head but said nothing.  
  
Draco nodded and smiled tightly. The one thing she needed the most help with was the one thing he couldn't help her with. "Come on. I'll magic you some clothes and I'll take you back to the Gryffindor Tower." Prof. Malfoy carefully pulled the blankets back up to her shoulders.  
  
Virginia almost screamed in fear. "Please don't leave me alone," she wimpered.  
  
Prof Malfoy looked at the most talented student Hogwarts had seen in a long time possibly the most talented ever. She was still shivering despite trying to stop. The fear was emanating off her and Draco knew she couldn't be left alone on this night. "Accio clothes," he muttered softly and smiled at Virginia, trying to create some atmosphere of normalness.  
  
Virginia looked at the clothes Prof. Malfoy held in his hand mutely.  
  
Draco remembered a spell he'd learnt in his sixth years to magic clothes off. If he changed the ending he could probably make it do the reverse "Cloisithium Onatus." He muttered and the clothes appeared on Virginia's body. She dropped the blanket in surprise.  
  
She started sobbing again almost as soon as the blanket hit the ground.  
  
Draco swore and pulled out a vial that was in his bedside table. "Drink this," he muttered as he raised the vial to her lips.  
  
She swallowed between sobs and slowly felt her head sink into the darkness of sleep. The last thing she heard muttered before she slept was a quiet, "Poor Virginia. I never thought it would happen again."  
  
***  
  
"So Virginia, did you miss me?" Tom asked with an upraised eyebrow.  
  
I shudder but put on the adoring face of a young teenager obsessed with her latest crush. "Of course I did Tom. You should of come back sooner or if not that come for me sooner," I mutter longingly even as the words stuck to my throat. Each word had been chosen before I had even seen Tom again. Each gesture planned out.  
  
Tom smiles insanly and looked me up and down. "I see you've aged nicely even if I havn't aged at all." His smile is lust filled.  
  
I smile the way I was told to. I know my part as well as the next person. "Are you going to make up for lost time?" I ask exactly how I'm told too. With more lust and desire than any other fifteen year old could manage. I was chosen for a reason. I was the only one who could do this. I can't fail or all fails. I can't lose or Harry will lose his life.  
  
"Of course I am. I mean I love you."  
  
I lean forward boldly and kiss him on the lips. Not the sweet innocent kiss of a fifteen year old witch but the lust filled kiss of a woman.  
  
I'd spent so long perfecting that. Harry had been a willing helper at the time, but as you say he would do what ever it takes to defeat the dark lord. Even turning his best friends kid brother into a tramp.  
  
Tom leans further into the kiss, deepens it.  
  
I oblige and open my mouth, deepening the kiss still.  
  
Something changes and Tom becomes Voldemort.  
  
He stops kissing me and looks at me. His hand's pull at my hair. His legs curl around mine immobolising me without even a spell.  
  
I'm suddenly fearful. I knew Tom but this was someone I didn't know. I knew this wasn't how I'd want it to happen. I'd always wanted it to be an act of love not of someone elses plan.  
  
"Tom, please, don't. I don't think-" but I am made silent again when his mouth comes crushing back down on mine.  
  
His hands rake nails down my back. He pushes me up against the wall.  
  
My dress is up to my waist and he takes me right there.  
  
I pull away from his kiss. I scream in pain. This was not what I expected. Nothing like I was told it would be. Nothing like it all was in the plans.  
  
Voldemort smiles at my screams and leans forward to cover my open mouth again.  
  
I think about something else to avoid thinking about the pain. The Potions paper I had to write. I plan it out in my head even as I do my duty to my country.  
  
After a while it becomes to much for me to deal with. I try to squirm away.  
  
Voldemort hits me. He beats my arms, my legs, my body, my face. I can feel my eye swelling closed even as he pillages from my body.  
  
I stay still knowing that it will stop eventually.  
  
Voldemort finishes with one final grunt and lets me go.  
  
I slowly drop to the floor with him standing over me. As if watching to see if his conquest was worth it. To see whether I was worth the wait.  
  
Tom suddenly looks down at me. "Thanks," he mutters before leaving the room.  
  
"I thought you loved me," I mutter to the closing door.  
  
***  
  
Virginia screamed.  
  
Prof. Malfoy was immediately at her side with his arms around her shoulders.  
  
She screamed again in pain as his arms grazed the skin on her shoulders. The pain lanced through her body and she could feel her mind rebeling, begging her to try to make it all end again.  
  
Prof. Malfoy peeled away the shirt she was wearing and swore in astonishment when he saw her shoulders. "What the fuck?"  
  
Virginia's shoulders were black and purple. A reality from her dream.  
  
Prof. Malfoy questioned what he was seeing. He gingerly reached out and touched one of the dark patches.  
  
Virginia screamed like a Banshee and pushed him roughly away from her. "Don't," she muttered breathlessly, "Please, just leave it. It'll disappear. It always does."  
  
Draco looked down at her in pity. She was drenched in a cold sweat, one of her eyes was swollen shut and the other one wasn't far off, one of her arms was bent off at an odd angle and the other had bruises from the fingertips to the shoulder blade. Her back had scratches all over it and Draco knew in an instant of seeing them that she's revisited an old foe. He'd spent to many hours comforting her over this not to notice the symptoms.  
  
"Come on, Ginger," Draco said, using his pet name for Virginia, "You have to tell someone. We can't go through all this again."  
  
Virginia looked at Draco and again the tears were streaming down her bruised face.  
  
The bruises slowly faded, the swelling on the eyes slowly receded.  
  
"Dray, I can't, I won't. Last time was worse and you know as well as I that I'm the only one that can help me," her doe brown eyes looked up into his cold gray ones, "Dray please. If they know they'll... I don't know. I won't be able to be me anymore."  
  
Draco looked at her and knew this to be true. They'd lock her up in Saint Murgo's for enternity. "If thats what you want Ginger. But please do not think you have to do this alone."  
  
Virginia smiled tightly. "Sure Dray."  
  
"And Ginger, I've got to tell Aiwa. She'll guess within the week in any case. You know better than most her powers."  
  
Virginia looked angry. How dare he even think he had the right to tell someone else. "No Prof. Malfoy. You just can't! I'll deal with it as I have dealt with it before," she muttered some what angrily before stalking from the room.  
  
***  
  
I always wonder if I'm insane.  
  
Every time it happens. He visits me, he screws and he leaves.  
  
When I was younger I thought I loved him... I suppose I still do, at least when he's not around. But when he is here, with me, it the same, always the same.  
  
Footsteps come round the hall. I know I have to get up out of this particular pit, this rut in my life. Rise above it for a little while. I would rather no one knew not even Dray.  
  
I almost scream when I see Harry. He's eyes are full of lust, not the love they once held when looking at me.  
  
It's always the same, he visits me, screws me and leaves. I wish he was dead. Me the perfect, mature, innocent, Head Girl Virginia Weasley, wishes Harry Potter, the fucking boy-who-lived, was dead.  
  
He picks me up and throws me over his shoulder.  
  
I know whats coming. The only difference is that we're closer to the Gryffindor Tower this time.  
  
I don't even bother yelling or getting angry. He'll just curse me or charm me or hit me.  
  
I can't help but remember a time when my life wasn't like this. When Harry actually loved me. Before things went completely wrong.  
  
I suppose the downfall of Voldemort was when me and Harry started going out. I was in my fifth year and Harry in his sixth. Harry really did love me then, bu he loved taking risks even more. He use to take away my wand so I couldn't use anti-pregnancy charms and just tempt fate.  
  
Fate is a terrble thing to tempt. I guess it's my fault as much as Harry's. I was in my sixth year when fate decided it was sick of being teased.  
  
Harry blamed me. It was all my fault. I hadn't tried to get my wand back. I had almost enjoyed tempting fate as much as him, or so I made him believe. I guess it really was my fault.  
  
Harry drops me suddenly and I realise I'm in my room.  
  
I can't believe I'm going to let it happen again.  
  
I look at Harry and for a moment it's not Harry I see but Voldemort again. I scream.  
  
Harry pushes down on my mouth. Forcing me into a deep, lust filled kiss. Nothing like the loving ones we once shared.  
  
And I know I'm never going to escape this. I know I have no control of my life. Harry watches me as sudden silent tears fill my eyes and stream down my face.  
  
He's the old Harry again for a moment. He carefully wipes each tear away with his fingers. He brushes lightly and gently.  
  
I love him again. It's times like these that make me stay and keep quiet. I always hope they'll last.  
  
I smile and in an instant he changes. He reverts back to the lustful beast.  
  
Last night is repeated. This time I don't squirm, I don't scream, I don't even try to move. I'm Virginia Weasley. If this is what my life is. I must accept it.  
  
I pretend to enjoy it. I make the sounds of bliss even as my mind rebels in disgust.  
  
Harry looks down at me. I can't tell what is more written on his face, anger thats he's not the only one enjoying this or amazment that even after all this I love him.  
  
If this is what life is like then who am I to argue?  
  
He climaxes and I fake mine at the same time.  
  
He falls heavily upon me completely spent. For a while I can pretend it is like is use to be and this is a welcome weight.  
  
Eventually he rolls off and lies beside me. He brushes his fingers through my hair.  
  
"I love you, Ginny," he mutters softly into my hair.  
  
"Yes, Harry, I love you too," I mutter the lie through my teeth.  
  
If this is what it takes to see my darling Alantra again then so be it. 


	4. Chapter 3: Revelations

CHAPTER 3  
  
  
  
Prof. Malfoy watched unenthusiastically. He muttered under his breath in annoyance, "How did I manage to get stuck with surpervising the Seventh year's Pub Crawl?"  
  
Virginia Weasley was amongst them all. The centre, as always, of attention, whirling happily from person to person. Chating animatly with one person or another about the weekend, holidays, Quidditch or the lastest fashion.  
  
Draco couldn't help but admit she was a fantastic actor. He almost believed she was happy and healthy again, possibly even in her right mind.  
  
Virginia wandered over to Prof. Malfoy. "So Prof. do you like my new cloak?" she asked sweetly.  
  
Draco looked at Virginia and wished for an instant no one else was there. She look absolutely ravishing. She had a tight, deep blue Velvet dress on that had splits up to mid thigh and was very low cut, coming to a neat V in the front and a black cloak. Her red hair was flowing freely down her back while the hood was down. "That looks nice, Virginia," Prof. Malfoy said politely.  
  
Virginia laughed and smiled. Nothing could go wrong with this night, absolutely nothing.  
  
Draco held back the usual sarcastic comment that immediatly jumps to mind. He wouldn't say anything to change Virginia mood that day.  
  
She was actually happy for the first time since, well. He would not do anything at all to change her mood. He couldn't bare the thought of being the cause of her ill humour.  
  
Virginia waved one final time before disappearing through the doors of Hogwarts  
  
"You better stay away from my girl, Malfoy," Someone growled from behind him.  
  
Draco spun on his heel and the mask of a Professor came over his features, "Why if it isn't Harry Potter, shouldn't you be at home watching over your daughter, your adopted daughter. Poor Potter couldn't even have a kid of his own."  
  
Something in Harry's face snapped and Draco could see he had hit just the right point, rubbed salt into the right wound.  
  
"Stay away from Virginia. Do not go any where near her understand Malfoy. And do not mention my daughter around her." Harry stalked out the doors of Hogwarts leaving Draco alone again, to contemplate on the night thus far.  
  
***  
  
Nothing I mean nothing could ruin this night for me. Not even Harry.  
  
I couldn't believe he was actually letting me see my baby, my Alantra. I've missed her so much.  
  
I have to admit I hated the bastard when he said she wasn't his. When he said he had to adopt her to make her his own, take her completly away from me.  
  
I don't care anymore nothing can ruin this night for me. I'm going to see her. I didn't think I would ever see her again.  
  
Harry always threatened, always said he'd hurt her if I didn't do what he said and after the other night, well I'm surprised he hasn't hurt her.  
  
Maybe that's why he hates me so much. The year he left Hogwarts I had to make him adopt our baby. I wasn't about to let him leave her on the streets.  
  
I can't hold in the excitement and I let out an exhaulted squeak before running all the way to Hogsmeade.  
  
I stop walking just before Cormak's Inn. Harry had mentioned he would be staying there. I walk into the Lobby and find myself immediatly picked up from behind and carried up the stairs.  
  
I jump slightly when a door in the way is kicked open.  
  
I'm dropped heavily on a bed and I look up to see my kid napper, Harry standing there with a roagish look on his face.  
  
I hate that look. It's reminds me to much of the old Harry, the Harry I loved.  
  
Harry leans over and places a demanding kiss on my lips.  
  
"Harry, please, no. Can I see Alantra please?" I ask timidly, worried about his usual short temper.  
  
"You'll see her after I'm done. First things first."  
  
Again Harry repeats this disgusting act. He strips me roughly not even leaving me the dignity to do it myself. I hate it, I loathe it. I can't help but wish the prick would die in his sleep and some how I would get my baby back.  
  
He strips off his own clothes and pushes me forcefully back against the bed.  
  
He's not loving or even kind this time. He pushes me around until he finds a position where he's enjoying it.  
  
I don't even pretend to enjoy it this time but I won't squirm away. I won't run when I risk the chance of seeing my daughter again.  
  
He eventually finishes.  
  
He stands up and looks down at me in disgust. "And you think after that preformance I'll let you see my daughter?"  
  
I hate the way he says that, 'my daughter'. She's not his daughter. He doesn't love her like I do. I hate more that anything else in the world for an instant. I stand up in anger. "You let me see 'my' daughter or I'll tell Dumbledore every thing," I stupidly yell.  
  
"Crucio," Harry mutters and aims his wand at me.  
  
I scream. Everything appears in slow motion. I watch the world slowly revolve and eventually just turn into the floor.  
  
The pain is more than pain. I would scream and never stop if I could. Not even Harry deserves this. I wish I was dead. I wish it would stop. Every part of my feels assulted. I can't do anything. Every part of my body screams for Salvation.  
  
Harry smirks. He moves his wand slightly and it's no longer pointing at me.  
  
Had it been someone else I would of said thankyou. Gawd, even if it was Tom I would of said thankyou.  
  
Harry laughs happily. "You say anything to Dumbledore and she dies. I'll tell everyone what a slut you are, having a child in your sixth year, at the start of your sixth year no less. I'm sure everyone will like you after that."  
  
I HATE HIM. How dare he think that I even care what thay all think of me. All I want to do is see my daughter. "Please Harry?" I wimper.  
  
He ignores me while he dresses. He slowly pulls his boxers up over his legs and smiles at me lustily before he pulls them on all the way. He pulls on the rest of his clothes with the same fluid movement and rude smirks.  
  
"Please, Harry. I need to see her," I winper again and add a fake shiver of fear.  
  
I know he likes this. He loves the power he holds over me. He loves the way he can instill such fear in me. He enjoys watching me snimper quietly, not so loud as to annoy him but loud enough for him to hear me. I hate him for it.  
  
He smiles an almost loving smile and nods his head.  
  
I slowly stand. I walk around the room collecting all of my clothing and slowly dress.  
  
Harry watches every action that I do. Every slight movement of hand. I shiver under his watchful gaze. Her leers suggestivily at every item of apparal I pick up and almost sighs in sadness as I put it on.  
  
When I'm dressed he grabs my arm roughly and pulls me along behind him. He walks out the door and slams it tempermentally behind him.  
  
He pushes me towards a door slightly down the hall from our own. I open the door tentatively, fearful that he's lied again and nothing waits me but a cold, barren room.  
  
Alantra's sitting on the bed playing with her dolls. She smiles innocently at the game and tenderly raises each doll up into the air without the aid of hand. She's definetly my daughter.  
  
"Hey baby," I mutter in a somewhat worried tone.  
  
I hope she remembers me. Last time she'd looked at me mutly for half an hour before I reminded her I was her mother.  
  
Her dolls drop from the air at the sound of my voice. I feel terribly guilty that I might of frightened her. "Mama?" she askes fearfully, as if worried I'm a dream.  
  
She pinches herself and smiles when she discovers it's all real. She jumps off the bed and runs towards attactching herself to my leg.  
  
"Mama," She squeals in delight. She holds onto my leg as if its her life line, her only link to reality.  
  
My insides scream exhualtantly. This Harry couldn't take from me. "Yeah, Aly, it's mama," I say simply as I sweep her up into my arms. I would and will do anything and everything for one single moment like this.  
  
***  
  
Draco watched Virginia Weasley the whole lesson of DaDA. Not so obviously that the other students would realise he was doing it but obvious enough for Virginia to realise.  
  
He watched as Virginia stared slightly angerly at her fellow Gryffindors make spit of what a pitiful and unneeded class this is now.  
  
He watched her bite her bottom lip in thought and smile sweetly when the answer was found in the managery that was her mind.  
  
Unlike her fellow classmates, both Slytherin and Gryffindor alike, she watched not the clock but the highly detailed notes he had put on the board that morning.  
  
He himself glanced up at the clock to see the time was but two minutes from twelve. The students needed to be dismissed for lunch.  
  
"Class," he stood up to his full height and gazed meningcinly at the class, "This work had better be completed a week from today but for now you are all dismissed."  
  
He watched as all the students stood up and almost at once were out of the classroom. All that was except Virginia.  
  
She was still sitting at her desk writing furiously and stopping only every other moment for thought. Her hair had come out of its pony and was falling down her back and her pen drummed the desk in a steady tune while she thought. She hadn't heard him at all, she was that engrossed in her work and Prof. Malfoy had to wonder what was so exciting about drawing pictures of the Dark Mark.  
  
He slowly walked over to stand behind her and read over her shoulder. She had a detailed essay on possible counter curses for the Crucio curse.  
  
"Virginia as intelligent and amazing as you counter curses are the aren't quite drawings of a dark mark." Prof Malfoy muttered moodily.  
  
Virginia looked up at Prof Malfoy, "I'm ever so sorry Prof," she muttered sarcastically, "But I thought possible counter-curses for Crucio would be a much better way to waste my time. Anyway my pictures is under my scroll."  
  
Prof Malfoy nodded and moved the scroll to fing not only a picture of the Dark Mark but a photograph of a small girl possibly one or two years old. She had messy red hair, which reminded him of Virginia but her startling, fierce green eyes reminded him of someone else completly, Harry Potter.  
  
He picked up the photo and looked at it more closely. He remembered seeing Potter's kid at the start of the year and this photo was almost the identical of that child, but why would Virginia have a photo of Harry's kid?  
  
Virginia's head was back down again writing detailed notes and idea's.  
  
"Ginger, who's this?"  
  
"Oh that's Aly, my daughter," She said without thinking. She stopped writing and looked up at Draco. "Um, what I mean to say is, um, that's, not my daughter," she muttered through her teeth knowing it sounded utterly unbelievable.  
  
Draco picked up Virginia's parchment and moved it to another desk. He turned and sat on the desk infront of her. "Ginny, since when do you have a daughter?""  
  
Ginny looked around the room hoping that someone would come running through the door and stop her from saying anything else stupid.  
  
***  
  
I can't believe I told him. I've kept this secret for over a year, Fuck what if Harry blames me and hurts my baby, my Alantra.  
  
I hope someone comes running into the room for some reason so I don't have to say anything else, don't have to put Aly at risk.  
  
No one comes and I know that I must say something or risk everything I've worked so hard to protect.  
  
"Fuck, Draco, just pretend I never said anything."  
  
Draco is well Draco, I see the Draco I knew in my fifth year, the one that nursed me back from insanity, the one despite everything I choose Fucking Harry Potter over.  
  
He looks at me with pity, not the disgust I expected to see. "So she really is Potter's kid," he thinks aloud, more talking to himself than me. I can't believe that's all he has to say.  
  
"Yeah, wait no she isn't, she's my baby cousin?" I lie pathetically. I look up into his cold steel eyes and know that he doesn't believe me at all.  
  
"Gin, How could you have a kid?" He asks lamely looking at me not the way I expected. He doesn't look repulsed or disgusted or angry or even slightly disappointed.  
  
I know there no way around this discussion so I look away from his eyes into the corner of the room and start talking quickly. "Well I started going out with Harry in my fourth year, right after Voldemort, and then we were screwing around all through my fifth and I got preggers at the end of my fifth, I had Alantra halfway through my sixth and made Harry adopt her."  
  
Draco looked at me as if I had told him nothing. "And... Why wasn't the fabled hero Harry Potter here the other day?"  
  
"He was," I mutter sadly under my breath and I can see Draco flare with anger.  
  
"You mean that prick, the father of your kid was the one to..." He stopped as if lost for words.  
  
I just nod sadly. "Please don't say anything, Aly lives with him and he said he'd hurt her if I told."  
  
Draco looked angry, "Doesn't your brother know or even your parents know?"  
  
I can't even look at him any more. It seems I was right, he's angry and now he hates me. "No, Harry out a spell on me so they couldn't see I was preggers and he use to hit me and tell me he'd kill me if I told anyone about Aly," I can feel my eyes fill with unshed tears as I mention this, "And then when Aly was born he said he'd kill her if I told. It was always about his reputation." The tears are streaming down my face now and I can't hold them back. All the times I'd made sure I hadn't cried around Harry came bearing down and all the unshed tears fell.  
  
Draco pulled me out of the chair and into his arms. I bawl like a child into his chest. Even as I wimper I feel the tears in my eyes dry up as I know I must again put on the mask of perfection, ever here with my closest friend.  
  
I pull away from him slowly. Unwilling to leave the calming embrace, a loving embrace like one I had not felt for quite a while. "Draco don't tell anyone, please. If Harry finds out I told you he'll hurt Aly."  
  
Draco looks aorund the room in thought. His eyes take on the dazed look of heavy thinking and I fear he's going to cause trouble, "I can't promise you that Ginger but I promise to get your daughter back."  
  
I swear and look at him angrily, pissed off that he's promising something he can't provide. I look up into his eyes and I see the intent look of one who will swear their entire life on that statement. Pure fierce determination. "Yes Dray and I believe you."  
  
I look at Dray more intensily and for an instant I see a spark of something else in those cold storm cloud eyes.  
  
I think you love me. 


	5. Chapter 4: I love you

CHAPTER 4

Draco stared at Ginevra and swore as he looked away. Now above all other times he must let no one discover his love. He leant back in his chair and closed his eyes, reflecting idly on all he had discovered that week. Harry Potter was a complete and utter wanker (He already knew this but it had been reiterated again!) and the Ginevra, his Ginger, had a daughter. Fuck the world was seriously screwed up.

He slowly straightened in his chair and opened his eyes a crack. He surveyed the class, Ginger was Ginevra again. She was sitting daintily in her seat, straight backed, her eyes again far-seeing. She was looking at the detailed notes on the scroll in front of her. The detailed notes written in her messy scrawl.

He heard the clock tick louder and then louder still, warning him dinner was approaching. He stood up and looked at the class hauntily, "You are dismissed, for the moment," he muttered darkly.

Ginevra slowly gathered her things and moved to leave the classroom. Too long had she been forced to maintain this pose under Prof. Malfoy watchful eyes. Too many times she had let him see what lay beneath this facade and now she must be wary of his hungry eyes. He watched for any and every slip up.

"Oi, Gin, you going come down to tea or go back to your room first?" Aiwa asked cheerily. Her red hair was sprawled over her face and wound through her eyelashes but Ginevra could still see that unwanted look of pity in her eyes.

Ginevra tried to look ill, "I think I'll skip tea. I'm feeling a little ill tonight."

Aiwa shook her head. She had an uncanny knack of reading a persons character. As Draco said she would find out sooner or later. "You know I'm here when you are ready to tell me."

"That's if your not with Oliver!" Ginevra giggled but Ginger rebelled in disgust.

Aiwa laughed. "When your ready to talk even Oliver can't get in the way. I went there to Gin," Her eyes misted over for an instant before her face cleared, "Even if I lost respect because of it." She muttered those final words darkly and glared at the closed door of Prof. Malfoy classroom.

"I'm going to go to bed now. G'Night," Ginevra said, ignoring Aiwa's comment about respect.

Aiwa nodded to staring angrily at Prof. Malfoy's door. "Sure, Gin, have a good night, don't let the bed bugs bite," she said with a forced smile, using a muggle saying.

Ginevra nodded and walked slowly towards the Gryffindor Tower. She softly muttered the password and dragged her body up to her room.

The facade was impossible to maintain. It was getting harder and harder all the time. She turned from her room and ran to the bathroom. She knelt quickly in front of a toilet and displayed the contents of her stomach to the bowl. "I can't do this," she muttered between tears, "I can't do this anymore!"

An arm came around her shoulders and gently pulled her up off the cold floor.

Through her tears she could see the green and silver of Slytherin lining a robe of black. "How did you get the password?" she muttered angrily. The mere thought of anyone seeing her like this sent a jolt of fear through her spine.

"It's a benefit of being a Professor," A harsh angry voice muttered.

Anger filled Ginevra as she turned on Prof. Malfoy. "GET-AWAY-FROM- ME," she snarled, "If Harry finds out he'll hurt my baby."

Draco swore and looked at Ginevra. He had loved her from afar for so long and it appeared he was doomed to always love her that way, with a longing that forbade him to move on. He softly wiped the tears from her cheeks and left his hands there for an instant longer than was needed.

Ginevra almost quailed under that look of love and pity and hatred. She knew not what she did to him. "Come on Dray you know we can't do this. We can't win if we do. I'll lose Alantra and when I lose her I lose everything!

She had slumped back to the floor again and gazed up at him with her haunted eyes. Her tears had slowed and but a single, final tear flowed down her cheek.

Dray slowly knelt beside her. Dray moved his head softly closer to her face and kissed the tear away from her cheek, drinking in her scent. She smelt of vanilla and cinnamon, sweet and innocent.

"Dray, please, don't do this. We can't. I'm supposed to love Harry," she whimpered the last part but made no attempt to move away from Draco's kiss.

Draco stopped and moved back. The longing in her eyes confused him almost as much as the feelings in his own heart. He loved her for being herself, for who she was, but she hated her so much for making him love her. She was ever beyond his reach and being in her presence alone was enough of a taste to make him desire this forbidden fruit. "You're right, we can't do this. I can't kiss your cheek. Can I do this instead?"

He leant forward and kissed her softly on the lips.

OOO

I can't believe he'd, that he'd. How could he? I mean look at me. I'm a fucking whore!

Draco's kiss was so soft, so undemanding I almost immediately fell into it. Loving him even if it put all I loved at risk.

It was so different from Harry. He didn't search entrance into my mouth as Harry would have. Probably because he knows I just threw up and that 'he' wouldn't enjoy it.

I pull back almost angrily and then mentally slap myself for doing that. He'll slap me or hit me and just pull me back again. I close my eyes waiting for the ensuing blow that I know must be coming.

I wait and after about two minutes I fearfully open my eyes. Dray sitting away from me looking at the wall in confusion and anger and sadness.

I hate myself for doing this to him. How do I always manage to destroy all that is good in this world?

Dray turns to look at me and I see the self loathing in his eyes. He looks like Harry after the first fight. "Dray I'm so sorry," I mutter sadly. I know not what else to say to him.

Dray just nods. He gets up off the floor as if to leave. "You know I love you?"

I look at him in confusion. Already my life is seriously confused and then he has to go and throw that into the mixture! What am I going to fucking do? I love Harry. Well I'm supposed to love Harry? I used to love Harry? This is all to confusing.

Beneath it all I felt an intense longing to be back in his arms and have his mouth softly back down on mine but I feared what would happen to Draco if I did. Every man I loved and screwed ended up evil. Tom and Harry both trying to destroy me when they discovered I was to blame. I couldn't stand Dray hating me. It would destroy me.

I'm a strong witch. I have to be as I've survived this long.

I take one final, longing look at Dray and slowly stand and leave the bathroom. I can feel Dray's eyes boring into my back but I can't turn to tell him my answer to those three words. If I do I lose Alantra. I can't tell him the answer all I can do is hope he believes the opposite and no longer haunts me, hunts me looking for his answers.

I feel the tears on my cheeks and over my lips wiping away all traces of Drays lips. I don't know whether this is a good thing. The removal of the phantom lips of Dray's may only serve to remover these feelings I have.

Maybe if I keep these thoughts to myself than I can use them in the bad times with Harry. Use them to cover me like a protective blanket from all the evil he is willing to cause.

I feel, quite suddenly, completely exhausted. The last ounce of energy leaves my body and I sunk to the floor. I had not even the energy to crawl up the stairs. I sat there and stared angrily at the stairs that refused to be scaled.

"Gawd, Ginger, You can't keep on like this, completely exhausting yourself," Prof. Malfoy shook his head up as he picked me. He carried me carefully up the stairs and placed me on the bed.

My eyes grew heavier by the moment until they closed themselves.

"I love you, Ginger," I hear someone mutter quietly before sleep engulfs me completely.

OOO

Aiwa snarled as she saw Prof. Malfoy. "Isn't it a bit to late to be making bedroom calls Prof.?"

Draco looked at Aiwa in absolute disgust. "And you of course would know 'all' the acceptable times to be making private bedroom calls with elder men."

Aiwa shied away from Draco in anger. "You think I had a fucking choice on whether I wanted to screw your bloody father!" she screamed, outraged. It never stopped between them. Tit for Tat they'd claw each other to death given the chance.

Draco sneered. "Of course you fucking did. Your not like poor Ginger up there! She had to screw that bloody prick Voldemort!" He yelled at her in anger. She'd apologised over and over to him but it didn't matter. She had slept with his father. His girlfriend who wouldn't even sleep with him had willingly given her virginity to her father, making up some lame excuse about how it was for the wizarding world.

"Didn't have to? Who the fuck told you that? You father was the one making all the plans. Voldemort had the idea your father made it a reality. Yeah Ginny killed Voldemort. I'm the one that told Dumbledore their plans. Told him when, where and how many of them would strike. Oh yeah I really had a fucking choice!" She screamed at him. Tears were freely flowing down her face and she could hear other Gryffindors coming down stairs to see what was happening.

"You could of said no. You knew he was my father," Draco said wistfully. "You knew I wouldn't like the idea of my girlfriend screwing my dad." Draco shook his head before moving to walk away.

"Draco you knew as well as I did that we weren't working out and everyone knew your father found me appealing. Our relationship or the lives of thousands," Aiwa's eyes flashed with heated rage and hatred aimed only at herself. "You think I enjoyed sleeping with your father. I lost my virginity to that monster."

Draco looked at Aiwa and saw the look of self loathing. He would never forgive her. No matter what the reason, she had slept with his father. She had screwed his father and his father had rubbed it into his face the whole time it was happening. She was a whore. He looked at her as if she was a loathed disease, a Death Eater "I won't forgive you. Now get out of my way."

"You would rather Ginevra had slept with him?" she asked as she stepped out of his way. She turned her face away from him wishing him not to see the tears streaming down her face. The fact that Draco had lost respect for her hit her hard.

He grabbed her and pushed her into the wall. "You leave her out of this you hear me!" He snarled as he pulled her close to his face. He turned and stormed out of the room.

She shook her head and watched as the tears slicked off her face and slowly drip, turning to blood before they reached the floor. "We all bare our own scars," she said wistfully wiping a bloodied tear from her face.

She shook her head once more as if to clean out the murky cloud that was forever now in her thoughts. She wiped the final tears from her face and walked slowly up the stairs to Ginevra's room to see how her friend was doing.

Ginevra was sitting on her bed. She held a small muggle photograph in her hands.

"Gin?" Aiwa asked softly, "You 'kay?"

Ginny looked up at Aiwa and sighed. "It's not fair is it. It burns you, kills you eventually."

"Come on, Gin, We both survived. Both doing okay. And you've always got Aly to hold onto."

Ginevra looked at Awai is shook. "How could you… How did you?" she started and then stopped unsure of what she was trying to say.

Aiwa sniffled softly, still recovering from Draco's harsh comments. "When Lucius…" she started, "Well when I and Lucius, that is when Lucius and me…" She tried a different tact unable to pronounce what she wanted to say, "Gin you know Lucius was capable of Legilimency."

Ginevra nodded. "Yeah, Draco told me. That's why I learnt Occlumency." She wondered where Aiwa was going with this. How could Aiwa know about her daughter?

"Well when Lucius broke me, stole my virginity," she stopped and looked at Ginny, "He didn't really steal my virginity, did he Gin. I gave it to him. My body for my country, a hooker with a cause." Her chest heaved with an internal sob, tears flooded down her cheeks.

Ginny stood up and walked across to Aiwa, enveloping her in a warm hug, "Aiwa come on, you're not a hooker, you did what you had to same as me. We saved the world. How many lives did you save. You saved Hogwarts, The Ministry of Magic. Hell you're the one that got me out of there after Voldemort died," Gin bit the inside of her lip. She was again strong and perfect, saying all the right things, ignoring her pain, saving her friend.

Aiwa sniffled again. "This is stupid I'm stronger than this," she wiped away a bloody tear, "I'm meant to be making you feel better," she heaved once more and got herself back under control. "I know because a piece of Lucius is in me now," she shuddered at this statement as if the thought disgusted her," I am extremely capable of Legilimency now, and with my close friends, well mostly just you and Oliver, I can dream your thoughts it's weird. It's not on purpose or anything," she sighed.

Ginny looked at her friend and smiled. "Aiwa, it's okay. I trust you. I was going to tell you in any case."

Aiwa looked Ginevra in the eyes. "You swear? You must be so glad Harry is there to take care of her. I'ld hate to have to leave my baby on her own."

OOO

She understands that I have a child but can't see the way things are between me and Harry.

I inwardly seethe while remaining calm on the outside. Aiwa just wants someone to have the happy ever after she feels she isn't capable of now. She just happened to plan mine with Harry.

"Yeah he's great with her," I mutter in the happiest tone I can provide. I suppose it's true. Aly seems to really love Harry and he her. Maybe there is something wrong with me that makes it impossible for Harry to love me.

Aiwa smiled again. I was her hope of a future and at that instance I didn't have the courage to take it away from her.

"I can't believe you and Harry actually have a child," her smile broadened, "It's exactly like we imagined as kids. True love."

I swallow the bile that rises in my throat. True love? How can Aiwa see so much yet understand so little. I can't take this hope from her but can I? I can't tell her the truth even now. I want to pour my heart out to her. Tell her every little detail of my miserable life but how would that be fair. It would bring her down, rip her apart. "Yeah, True Love, Harry's perfect," I sigh wistfully. I know Aiwa probably sees that sigh as me missing Harry not a sigh of horror of what my life has become.

"It's beautiful, Gin. Perfect," she looks at me with such need, "You're so different from me. Stronger. I just play, you, you're real," tears again flood down her cheeks.

I feel guilty. Why can't I cry as freely as her. Is there truly something lacking in me? Is that why Harry…? I shake my head. "Come on you'll find true love one day. Look at Oliver, He must be the only boy ever capable of putting up with your little spats."

She smiles, "Thanks Gin. You're always there. I don't know what I would do without you."

I bite back the sigh, the pain that wants to be etched upon my features. "Friends forever Aiwa."

Her face is lit by hope, the tears stem and then stop completely, "Yeah Gin Forever and Always. I spose I better let you get some sleep."

I smile… Maybe there is hope…


End file.
